Ever since I got involved in disability rights, once thing I keep noticing is how tongue-tied most people get when they try to talk about disabilities. They dance around the subject. They fumble for what they think is the most sensitive term. They use outdated terms without a clue that they're considered offensive these days. All in all, it makes me cringe. So, I've written up some general guidelines to help out people who are unfamiliar with disability or disability studies.
Disability is a natural part of human life, and it is okay to talk about it.
Shocking fact: A person with a disability is probably completely aware of the fact that they are disabled. I know, I know, it's wild! Here you were, thinking you could keep them in the dark and spare their feelings by going on pretending that they were exactly like you.
I'm not saying you should go blurting shit out like "HEY HOW'S LIFE IN THE WHEELCHAIR" when it's not relevant. But disability does come up in conversation sometimes. (Disability studies can be a fascinating topic.) And some situations necessitate it, like when someone needs assistance or accomodations. At times like these, it's okay to talk about it.
But, mind your manners.
In case you haven't been keeping up, here are some of the most widespread North American taboo subjects: sex, medical issues, money, excrement. Unless you're really close with someone, don't ask them personal questions about these subjects just because of their disability. So you're just dying to know the mechanics of sex after spinal cord injury? Look it up online, guys!
If you're uncomfortable, educate yourself.
It's easier to talk about any subject if you actually know something about it. Ease your own fears about disability by finding out what it's really like to live with one. (Try links and book recommendations at the bottom of this page.) If you're curious about the details of a particular condition, don't just sit there feeling embarrassed and clueless: look it up on Wikipedia. You can connect with people much better if you're not distracted by your own questions and discomfort.
I've noticed that one of the biggest stumbling blocks is labels and terminology: What do you call that disability, anyway?
Put People First
Of course, ask yourself first if you really need to name a disability. Maybe you do. Again, it's not a horrible thing to mention; don't avoid it if it comes up. But don't call someone by a label -- more than likely, they have a name. Ask for it if you don't know it. And don't run around describing someone as "my friend with x disability." If it's not relevant, don't bring it up. A disability is a part of who someone is, but it doesn't define them.
Be Brief
When in doubt, go for the term that's shorter. It's probably preferable.
-"Disabled" is preferred to "handicapped." Which, admittedly, is not that much longer, but I did say "when in doubt."
-Don't try to be creative when describing wheelchair use. "Confined to a wheelchair" and "wheelchair-bound" sound fancy, but they have negative connotations and they aren't even true (See "Be Accurate"). Try "in a wheelchair." Wasn't that easy?
Be Accurate
I promise, it is okay to use the most simple or medically-accurate language available to you.
-"Dwarf" is not an offensive term, because the condition is called "dwarfism." "Little person" and just plain "short" also work, because they are true. "Midget" is an outdated euphemism.
-"Deaf" is not a bad word. On the contrary, it is a source of pride to many deaf people. Be careful about using "hard of hearing," because it means something different within the Deaf community than just "some level of hearing loss." "Hearing impaired" is also medically accurate, but don't feel compelled to use it just to avoid hurting someone's feelings. (See "Be Brief.")
-Back to wheelchair use: Nobody is in a wheelchair all the time, and for most people who use them, they are a source of freedom and greater mobility. Ergo, "bound" and "confined" are just plain wrong.
Avoid Euphemisms
They're not necessary. They can come off as patronizing. And you risk alienating people who are allergic to "political correctness." This includes phrases like "differently abled," "handicapable," and "[anything] challenged." Some people with disabilities may prefer to use these phrases themselves, but you don't need to follow suit.
Avoid Slurs
Okay, here's the one exception to "Be Accurate": "Mentally retarded" is still a medically accurate term. But if you're not in the medical field, don't use it. "Retard" and "retarded" have turned into extremely offensive slurs. "Developmentally disabled" is a fine alternative.
I hope it goes without saying to avoid older slurs like "cripple" and "gimp."
And for yourself?
If you don't have any disabilities, you are "non-disabled" or "not disabled." It's brief, it's accurate, and it's not euphemistic. "Able-bodied" implies that the only disabilities are physical, and it also ignores the fact that ability is a spectrum. I mean, just how able IS your body?
Links
People First Language - More help with talking about disabilities.
How Do Disabled People Use Computers? - More help with terminology; part of a book on building accessible websites.
Ragged Edge Online - Thousands of articles from the magazine The Disability Rag. Good starting point for disability studies.
The Nth Degree - Disability culture.
Books About Life with Disabilities
Moving Violations - John Hockenberry's brilliant, funny, and very accessible memoirs.
Too Late to Die Young - by Harriet McBryde Johnson. Also try Googling her name to find the awesome articles she's written.
